Kian (War Cats Book 5) Read online

  Turning sideways on the couch, he tightened his grip on her fingers as he looked into her eyes, willing her to feel the truth in his words. “I’m Kian, your friend, first and foremost. There’s nothing more important than that, not even my responsibilities as Alpha. Also, you might have been extremely submissive before, but look at you now. You’re talking with me fine and holding your own.”

  She stared at him, her eyes surprised yet again, as she absently scratched her back on the couch. It seemed like she hadn’t even realized she was talking so easily with him, and that struck him as odd. For someone who’d been almost paralyzed with shyness and feeling timid, he’d think she’d notice when she was suddenly free of those crippling emotions.

  “I hadn’t even realized I was talking so well with you,” she said, confirming his suspicions. “And I appreciate the sentiment, but being Alpha is more important than being my friend. No, don’t argue. It is. It has to be. People here have been beaten down for so long, but you’re finally giving them hope. Finally giving them a life. That’s huge, and so incredibly important, Kian.”

  “I acknowledge your point. There’s no way I can argue that, even though I want to. What my father and the alphas before him did to the War Cats was a travesty, and it desperately needed changed. But that doesn’t mean you’re not just as important as that. At least to me. I’m entitled to those feelings, so don’t try to talk me out feeling that way.”

  She went quiet, still rubbing her back on the couch as she thought. He tried to ignore it, but curiosity was eating him alive. Curiosity, and a heavy feeling in his gut. He didn’t know why he had it, or what it meant. Only that he felt an urgency to figure out why she was doing it.

  “What’s going on, Jessica? Why do you keep doing that?”

  Eyebrows raising, she looked at him, eyes wide. “What are you talking about?”

  “You keep rubbing your back on the couch. You were doing the same thing on the wall corner when I got here. Why?”

  “Uh… because it itches,” she said slowly, like it should be obvious.

  He rolled his eyes, unable to refrain. “I get that. But I’ve never seen someone scratch an itch so much, and so fiercely, and it never go away. There’s more to the story than that.”

  Panic crossed her features, but before he could analyze it or question her further, his phone rang. Relief flashed in her eyes, and he resolved to get back to it as he reluctantly pulled it out, answering a call from Karis, the head warrior.

  Hanging up, be blew out a breath as he glanced at her. “I’m late for a meeting. But don’t look so relieved. We’re coming back to this.”

  “Sure sure. You’d better go if you’re late.”

  Her words were rushed, and his eyes narrowed as he studied her. Shaking his head, he stood up. “I’ll see you soon, Jess.”

  Turning, he left her rooms and made his way to the warrior’s lodge, his mind working to find a reasonable explanation. But with no clues other than her back itched, he had no way of finding any answers. But he would. His instincts were screaming that something was going on. Jessica needed to brace herself, because he wasn’t going to let this go until she talked to him and told him everything.

  Chapter Five

  Jessica sat on the couch after Kian left, one thought running through her head—Does he know we’re mates?

  It seemed like the only explanation for why he’d suddenly take an interest in being her friend again, but it also seemed unlikely. Kian wasn’t a man who played around. If he knew they were mates, he’d come out and say it. She had no doubts on that. Especially when she couldn’t think of even one reason he’d keep it to himself.

  But if not that, then why did he want to renew their friendship? She couldn’t understand it, and it came out of nowhere. She was completely mystified.

  Almost as mystified as she was at the fact that he was right. She’d been holding a conversation with him on her own, perfectly well. Where had that come from? Even with most of her friends, she was still quiet and timid. Kelly was the only one she could talk to and remain at ease.

  Yet she’d been the same with Kian as she was with her best friend. That was mind blowing to her.

  And what was with all his questions about her scratching her back? She hadn’t even realized she was doing it, but she hadn’t been obvious. More casual about it. But it had itched something fierce. The more she talked, the more it itched, and when she confronted him about taking off after the stalker, she swore she felt the tail flick again.

  She was losing her mind, surely, but she hadn’t realized it was obvious enough for other people to notice. That was a problem.

  And it was just one more reason why she couldn’t tell Kian they were mates. They shouldn’t even really be friends again. The thought hurt her to her soul—burning, sharp, aching, and her eyes glossed over with tears. But it was the truth.

  Not only was she a submissive and all wrong for the alpha of the fiercest tribe of warriors on the planet, but she was going crazy. She wondered when she’d start smelling bitter.

  Shifters who lost their minds had a different smell. It was how a shifter had managed to almost kill Arya and Karis when they got together. Trevor’s shifter gift had been taking on any shifter’s scent. But his own had been diluted, because he’d been certifiably insane. It made him give off a bitter smell, and it confused the warriors enough that they hadn’t been able to figure out it was him until it was almost too late.

  Surely hers was changing. Because she had to be going crazy. There was no other explanation. But she couldn’t ask anyone if she smelled bitter, because it would open a can of worms she had no hope of closing, and questions she had no way of answering.

  And it made her all the more determined to leave once Drako was caught. She might not interact with many here, might not even be a true War Cat, but she still considered this her tribe. These were her people. And if she was going insane, she’d rather do it away from Durga, where there was less chance of hurting people she loved.

  Her tiger stirred uneasily in her chest. I don’t want to leave. Not the War Cats. Not Kian. We belong here, with our mate. We belong. This tribe is ours.

  Jessica shook her head sadly. Her cat didn’t understand her reasons, but she was shredding her chest in an attempt to get Jessica to listen to her words. It was strange for her normally mild-mannered animal to be so assertive, but maybe it was because Jessica was talking about leaving her mate.

  Either way, she felt like she was about to come out of her skin. Whether that was because of her tiger, or because the reality of her bleak future was crashing down on her, she wasn’t sure. But she needed out of her head for a bit. To just be. And the best way to do that was to shift.

  Heaving a sigh, she pushed herself up off the couch and went in search of someone to accompany her. That was probably one of the suckiest parts about the threat over her head. Well, it was over Kian’s as well, but she was the one they tried to kidnap. Lord knew why. She wasn’t a threat to anyone.

  Regardless, having her freedom stripped from her was a hard pill to swallow. She was allowed to be by herself in the palace, but her ability to come and go as she pleased was gone. She had to have a warrior—a guard, really—with her any time she went outside. It was a pain in the behind, and frustrating as all get out.

  It didn’t take long to find a warrior. They were all over the palace lately, but it was only the higher-ranking warriors who were trusted. Drako used one of their tribe members, Ben, to attack her, and no one had realized it until Ben confessed on his deathbed. Kian wasn’t taking any chances with their safety now. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage so she could speak, trying hard to keep her head up and not stare at the floor as she talked.

  “Hey, Vihaan. Are you busy? I wanted to go shift and was wondering if you could accompany me.”

  There. She did it. She was shaking, but she kept her head up and maintained eye contact. That was big for her, but she couldn’t help thinking that it highlighted
why she couldn’t stay and be Kian’s mate. How could she be the alpha’s queen when speaking to someone made her shake?

  The answer was, she couldn’t. And it had tears pressing against her eyelids once again.

  “Of course, Miss Jessica. Let me go tell Krish where I’m going and then we can be off.”

  Her smile was strained as she thanked him. She couldn’t help it. She knew they called her Miss as a sign of respect for her noble status, but it had always grated on her nerves. She wasn’t sure why, but she hated it.

  She waited until he came back and then they walked outside, where she made her way to the women’s changing hut. Nudity was a way of shifter life in general, but not so much in Durga. Kabir, Kian’s father, had made the women undress in the changing room before they shifted. He’d even installed what amounted to an oversized doggie door so they could exit easily as their animals.

  She’d always thought it was beyond ridiculous and she hoped that someday, like wearing normal clothing, it would become the norm for women to shift like the men did. As equals.

  Quickly shutting the door with the opening and leaving the inner door open, she undressed as fast as possible, knowing Vihaan was probably already waiting in tiger form outside. The men weren’t restricted when it came to shifting like the women had been, so he’d shifted outside.

  Oh, to someday have that freedom.

  Pushing it from her mind, she called on her tiger, hunching over as pain exploded over her body. The snap of her bones breaking echoed through the hut, then they reformed in the blink of an eye. Her massive paws hit the ground, and she blinked as she turned her head this way and that, getting her bearings from this perspective.

  Shifting always happened in the literal blink of an eye, and most were fully themselves the moment they had all four paws on the ground. But for whatever reason, it wasn’t as easy for her. Her animal was huge—much larger than the average tiger shifter. The only one she’d ever come across who was bigger than her was Kian.

  It made sense that he’d be big. He was huge in human form, and that translated to his animal form. Most alphas had larger animals—they had to be fierce to keep their position. Kian inherited his status and the tribe, true, but his size and fierceness as a warrior were what kept any of the disgruntled members from challenging him out and out. They tried to dishonorably kill him instead.

  But for Jess, there was no logical reason for her to be this big. Most females were much smaller in tiger form. And her animal’s size didn’t correspond with her size as a human. Sure, she was curvy, but she was on the shorter side. She shouldn’t have been this massive, and it didn’t make sense.

  But even more baffling than that was fact that even as big as she was, there was a part of her that felt stunted. That thought she should be much bigger. That thought was crazy, though, since she was already larger than she should be.

  The part that felt that way was getting louder and louder about it, though. It hadn’t always been there, but one day it appeared, the voice of disgruntlement getting bigger with every shift. It made no sense, and now she wondered if it was a part of her that was going crazy.

  She’d been making her way to the opening on the door, but she paused, head cocked as she considered that. She’d thought the itching, the tail on her tattoo flicking, was the first sign she was losing it, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe the voice telling her that her already enormous tiger was too small was the first sign that things weren’t quite right in her head.

  Rolling her shoulders in a tiger version of a shrug, she went to the opening and squeezed through it. It’d been designed with the more average female tiger in mind, so it was a tight fit for her.

  Finally making it through, she shook her fur out, settling it back in place. Nodding to Vihaan, she took off into the woods, starting out at a trot. But it wasn’t long before she was running full out, reveling in the feel of the wind in her fur. Running, darting, playing in the woods, they were her favorite things to do. But she suddenly wished she could spread her wings and fly. How amazing would it be to soar through the skies, to feel that much wind rushing over her body?

  Snorting, she shook her head as she dodged a tree. Clearly, her crazy was manifesting even stronger now, because for a moment, it’d felt like she had the ability, but she was being held back by something.

  Flying tigers. Definitely insane.

  Feeling restless and ready to do something different, she suddenly veered away from her usual path, slowing down so she could take in the new scents easier. She’d run the same route while she shifted for about five years now, so this was all different to the tiger. She wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt the need to roam a different stretch of woods, but it felt good to do something different.

  She hadn’t gone far when Vihaan got in front of her and tried to nudge her back to her normal path. Growling in annoyance, she tried to go around him. She was by no means required to go a certain direction—it was just what she always did. She didn’t need to stay on that route for any reason.

  Vihaan once again tried to block her and this time she snapped a little, her rarely felt temper rising to the surface as she swatted at him to get him to move out of the way. As she passed him, her hackles raised and she tensed, not sure why she suddenly felt danger surrounding her on all sides.

  Let me out. Now, a faint voice said inside her.

  Pausing with her foot raised to take a step, she froze, looking wildly around, even though the voice came from within her. What the hell was that? Now she was positive that she was going insane. The only voice that could come from inside her, in a normal way, was her tiger. And it hadn’t been her. Not only was that not her cat’s voice, but she was in tiger form right now. Her animal was already out.

  Shaken to her core, she lowered her leg, her paw pressing into the ground just as she caught a flash of something orange from the corner of her eye. She glanced around, her eyes locking on Vihaan. He was charging her, coming in fast, his eyes full of ill intent.

  Her heart froze and then began pounding in fear. She wasn’t a fighter. She grew up in a tribe full of warriors, but she was as far away from one as a person could get. Basically, she was a dead woman, because there was no one around to save her, and Lord knew, she wouldn’t be able to save herself. She was far too submissive. In fact, her first instinct was to bow her head in supplication to the clearly superior warrior charging her.

  And it made her angry. Fighting mad, the blood boiling in her veins, even as she stood silently and waited for death to reach her. Being submissive didn’t mean she agreed with everything. It didn’t mean she didn’t have her own thoughts and feelings. Just because she stood with her head down, shaking, unable to meet anyone’s eyes, didn’t mean she didn’t feel things, and get mad as hell just like anyone else. She just couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it.

  The fact that she couldn’t was going to be her downfall today. Vihaan was either going to kill her, or hurt her badly before leaving with her. Because she had a strong feeling that he was acting for Drako, just like Ben had. No matter how this went down, it wasn’t going to be good for her. She could see that truth in his eyes as he got closer.

  And suddenly, something snapped inside her. The anger she felt in her veins boiled over, infusing every fiber of her being. Her head shot up as her shoulders tensed, and she prepared to fight for her life. Because that was what it would be. A fight to the death.

  She wasn’t sure where this sudden will to fight back was coming from, and it scared her a little because it was so far from her norm, but she didn’t have time to think about it. She’d worry about it later. All her thoughts had gone through her mind in the blink of an eye, and now her time was up. It was do or die. Literally.

  With a roar, she unlocked herself from her tensed position and sprung into the air at the same time Vihaan did, and their bodies came together in a mighty crash that echoed through the otherwise silent woods.

  Kian cut himself off mid-sentence as he looked
at Zane. His cousin had suddenly stilled, holding himself so tensely, he looked as if he’d shatter at any moment.

  “What? Is it your gift?”

  Zane’s gift was being able to tell when something big was going to happen. Most of the time, it was something bad, but he didn’t always know. And he didn’t always know who it pertained to, only that something was going to happen.

  Zane nodded, his eyes unfocused before they suddenly sharpened, shooting to him. “Yes. It’s bad and going down now. I think it’s Jessica, Kian.”

  The blood in his veins iced over and he froze for a fraction of a second before lunging up from his chair and racing to the doorway. He was in the warrior lodge, probably not close to where she was. The last he’d seen her, she’d been in the palace, and it was guarded heavily. How could anyone have gotten to her?

  Because he knew instinctively, whatever this was, it wasn’t a random accident. This was related to the threat hanging over his and Jessica’s heads. He just prayed he could find her in time. She was submissive. She wouldn’t be able to fight back, and he couldn’t lose her. It sounded dramatic, but he didn’t think he’d be able to go on without her. He was positive he wouldn’t.

  Move faster. Find our mate, now, his tiger urged, shredding his chest in an attempt to get out and get to his mate.

  He used his shifter speed, moving so fast he blurred, and he was almost to the palace when the anguished roar of a tiger blasted through the air. Stopping so fast he slid on the remaining snow, he turned in that direction. Instinct was telling him that was where he’d find his mate. She must have shifted and gone for a run as her tiger, but she shouldn’t have been alone. She was supposed to have a warrior with her at all times, so what had gone wrong?