Vynn (War Cats Book 4) Read online

  Pausing, he looked at her to assess her reaction. He’d learned that those who weren’t of his tribe were appalled by the rules. Some even pitied the War Cats for what they considered warped thinking and said the tribe’s way of life was archaic and harsh. He didn’t want her to pity him or be turned off.

  Yeah, maybe he could see how some of the beliefs he grew up with were screwed up. He’d actually been thinking that for some time, although he’d for damned sure never tell anyone or let on that he was. But there was still a big part of him that was resisting the changes—that was holding firm to what had been his truth for his whole life.

  He didn’t want to lose her over the way his mind worked, the beliefs he still tried to cling to. So he had to know she wasn’t disgusted by him. But as he studied her face, he couldn’t find any hint that she was turned off by what he was telling her. She had a thoughtful frown on her face, but her eyes were clear and expectant, waiting on him to continue.

  And this was the part he especially didn’t want to talk about. His shame. But he might as well get it out there, because he wanted to know everything about her. And maybe if he told her, she’d let him in. He wanted that so badly he could taste it.

  “Another aspect of our culture was the label of Other. War Cats value beauty above all else. For generations and generations, it was the most important attribute a tribe member could have. Those who weren’t pleasing to the eye, those who had a blemish of some sort, like birth marks, were given the label. They were treated like less than the dirt beneath our shoes. Mocked, ridiculed, sometimes beaten. Forced to be unpaid servants. To be labeled Other is a mark of shame.”

  Her eyes widened, the silver streaks glowing in her gaze. She glanced at his scar before locking gazes with him. “Blemishes like a scar?”

  He nodded slowly. “Exactly like a scar.”

  “Is that why you were so harsh, and then left so abruptly, the day we met? Because you thought I was staring at your scar?”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Weren’t you?”

  Brow twitching, she shook her head. “Not really. I was looking at it, yeah, but I wasn’t seeing it. I was thinking about something else. Your scar doesn’t bother me, Vynn. I don’t even really notice it.”

  The truth in her voice washed over him as he stared into her eyes, but he still had trouble believing it. His scar was a mark of shame, and the only thing people saw when they looked at him now.

  Except for her—she paid it no attention. Elation warred with caution in his chest, and he suddenly felt so jumbled up inside, he didn’t know what to think.

  Clearing his throat, he searched for words. “You’re the only one who doesn’t see it. Shifters don’t have scars. Because of our accelerated healing, our animals take care of them. It’s part of the healing process. Even humans who are turned with a scar lose it. The animal takes it away. The only thing they don’t heal is a claiming mark, because it’s important to the animal. But my tiger and I were both knocked out directly after I received the mark, and the injury wasn’t healed in the moment, like they usually are.

  “And for whatever reason, my animal won’t heal the scar. He refuses. So I came home to the War Cats with this mark of shame on my face, and I was labeled Other. Cast out of the warriors, stripped of the things that meant most to me. The only reason I got everything back was because Kian became Alpha and removed the label of Other, giving us the same rights as the rest of the tribe.”

  Ashley shook her head. “You say our animals are good, that I should trust my fox. And yet you tell me of your tiger, who’s denying you something you desperately want—who let you be labeled and have everything stripped from you—and you still think I should trust my animal? I think that proves my point and makes that a big, fat hell no from me.”

  Fuck. That wasn’t what he’d meant for her to take from that, at all. “Ash, no. You have to trust your animal. It’s a give and take relationship, and you and your fox are both intent on taking. Despite what happened, I trust my tiger. He left the scar because he’s trying to teach me a lesson—not for spite, or anything like that.”

  “And what happens when I give her my trust, and I shift—and she tries to teach me a lesson by refusing to give me my body back?” She arched an eyebrow, but before he could answer, she waved her hand. “But this isn’t about me right now. It’s about you. I get the sense from how you spoke that you don’t like the rule changes. That you’d like it to go back to the old ways. But I don’t understand that. The changes gave you your life back. They gave you your status, your career, everything you wanted—all back. Why be so against them, then?”

  What she was saying wasn’t anything he hadn’t already asked himself. But he usually shut that line of thinking down, unwilling to consider it. He let himself think about it now, and when the answer came, he froze, hating it. It made him want to puke, and his gut roiled with the urge.

  Because all he could think of was his dislike stemmed from the way his father beat his lessons into him. That his words and teachings had sunk in bone deep, so completely that Vynn didn’t know how to think any other way. And he hated that.

  His father, Raul, had been the biggest asshole alive. Abusive, rigid, set in his ways, not able to see any viewpoint but his own. Had Vynn turned into him? He wasn’t violent or abusive, but the rest rang true. And the thought of being like Raul left his dinner revolting in his stomach and a sour taste in his mouth.

  But the thing was, even knowing all that, he still didn’t think he could change his thinking. And wasn’t even sure he should try. He was content with his life, so why change anything?

  Ashley was waiting on an answer, but all he could do was shake his head. He didn’t want to voice his conclusions out loud. Words held power—he knew that better than anyone.

  Fighting a yawn, she finally shrugged. “Okay, you don’t have to answer. Just think about it. Now is it time to tell you about my upbringing? That was our agreement.”

  Studying her closely, he took in the exhaustion on her face. She was tired. Too tired for this talk, and he’d kept her up too long, anyway. “No, that’s okay. I’m pretty tired, so I think I’m gonna go to bed. We can take up this talk tomorrow.”

  Standing without waiting on a reply, he picked up their plates and carried them to the sink, scraping the scraps into the garbage disposal. When he was done, he turned around to find her standing behind him, a tired smile on her face.

  “Thanks for letting me get something to eat. And thanks for the talk. I don’t normally like people, or spend a lot of time around them, but that was nice.”

  He fought a smile at her words. She didn’t like people. They had more in common than he first realized, then, because he didn’t really like them, either.

  “I told you, make yourself at home while you’re here. You don’t have to thank me for anything, especially food. And yeah, it was nice.”

  His gaze dipped to her lips and then he looked up, locking eyes with her. They were more green than gray right now, although she had the faintest of gray streaks shooting from her pupils. Her fox wasn’t buried very deeply then, and he liked that her animal was so close to the surface around him. One day, he’d get through to her that her animal wasn’t anything to fear. But this wasn’t the time.

  Because right now, all he could think about was kissing her. Her lips were slightly parted, and they looked soft and inviting. And this close, he noticed a small mole right at the corner of her mouth.

  Fuck, was that ever a turn on. But it felt way too soon to kiss her, so he raised his hand, capturing a bright red curl. He rubbed it between his fingers, marveling over the softness, then tucked it behind her ear. As he pulled his hand away, he rubbed his knuckles gently across her cheek.

  He watched her throat move, like she was swallowing hard, and she inhaled swiftly, lips parting more. Stifling a groan, he looked back into her eyes and smiled softly.

  “I’ll see you in the morning, Ashley. Goodnight.”

  Raising a hand to h
er cheek, she pressed her fingers to the spot he’d touched, nodding as she backed away.

  “Goodnight, Vynn.”

  He watched her go, fighting the urge to follow. She was different than most, that had been obvious the first time they met. She didn’t think the same way most people did. He loved it, but he wasn’t sure what that meant for him and his pursuit of her yet.

  It was still too soon to try for anything physical, though. He knew that much. He needed to wait until they knew each other a little more, were a bit more comfortable with each other.

  But he had a feeling waiting was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done.

  Chapter Seven

  Ashley finished loading her clothes in the washer and added soap, shutting the lid and turning it on with a smile. It felt oddly satisfying to wash her clothes. Probably because she hadn’t used anything except lakes and streams to wash her clothes in for a long time.

  With her lips still curved in a smile, she left the mud room, walking to the front of the house. Pausing in front of a large picture window in the living room, she wrapped her arms around herself as she looked outside. It was still snowing, although it was a light, gentle dusting as the pretty flakes fell from the sky.

  The damage had already been done, though. There was almost two feet of snow on the ground, and another heavier snowfall predicted in a few hours. Driving anywhere, especially the hour and a half Vynn said it would be to Denver, was out. She was stuck here, but oddly, she didn’t mind.

  She saw Vynn briefly at breakfast—which he made. It was delicious. A loaded omelet, bacon, and hash browns. She’d eaten two helpings. She was going to gain a lot of weight if she was here very long, but she didn’t care. She’d always been on the thin side. Too thin, really, at least in her opinion. She’d always envied women with more voluptuous figures. And then the walk here, plus only eating what she could hunt or scavenge in the woods, had made her even thinner. She could definitely stand to put some meat on her bones.

  She wasn’t sure where he went to after breakfast, though. He’d bundled up, put boots on, and left, saying he’d be back soon. She hoped he wasn’t gone long.

  It was weird. She’d gone her whole life wanting to be alone. She never cared for people and did her best to avoid situations where she was around them. But Vynn—he was different. She didn’t know what it was, but she wanted to be around him. Spend time with him, get to know him.

  Because he’s mine.

  Startled, she stilled as her fox spoke inside her. She began to slam the connection closed, but paused, remembering Vynn’s words. Maybe she should try this. Give talking to her animal, establishing a rapport, a shot.

  What do you mean by that?

  Just what I said. He’s mine. Her animal hesitated before speaking again, her voice grudging. He’s ours.

  I still don’t get it.

  Stupid humans.

  Hey, I’m trying to be nice right now. The least you can do is try, too.

  There was silence for a moment before her fox spoke again. I don’t know how to explain it. Only that I don’t care for other people any more than you do, but he’s different. He belongs to us.

  Ashley frowned uneasily. She didn’t like the idea of anyone belonging to her. Everyone should be free, especially shifters. They had to spend their lives sharing their thoughts and bodies with an animal. Owned by their urges, their instincts. They were already owned by their animals, and they didn’t need to be owned by someone else. It was already a fucked-up way to live.

  Hey, what happened to being nice?

  Ashley smiled sheepishly. Sorry. I’m just used to thinking that way, but I’ll try to change it. You have to admit, though, that the way I always have to fight you sucks. You always try to keep me locked inside and don’t want to let me have my body back.

  And how do you think I feel? I live my life locked in darkness. Sometimes you have me pushed down so deeply, I can’t even hear. No sight, no hearing, nothing. I cease to exist. That’s my life. How would you like that?

  She frowned, her uneasiness coming back. She’d never really thought of it like that. Honestly, she never thought about how her fox felt at all. She’d been told her animal was bad, that she should pretend she didn’t exist, and that’s just what she did.

  And now she actually felt guilty for suppressing her. Maybe Vynn was right, and there was nothing bad or unnatural about her animal. And she really was so uncontrollable because of Ashley’s actions.

  Shit.

  I’m sorry, okay? I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I’ll try to change from here on out. Just don’t make me regret this decision.

  If you actually follow through on that promise, I won’t. But I’m not sure I believe you will.

  Fair enough. You’ll see I mean it soon.

  Her animal didn’t reply, but the skepticism in her silence spoke volumes. The guilt Ashley felt amped up a notch, making her gut cramp, and she turned her thoughts away, trying to escape it. It wasn’t an emotion she was used to.

  Vynn’s face floated through her mind, and she grabbed onto thoughts of him like a lifesaver. Her body warmed as she pictured him, and she squirmed a bit at the delicious heat. He was freakin’ gorgeous.

  Scar and all. She didn’t understand why he thought of it as a shame. It was sexy as hell, and it added character to his face. It told a story.

  She got that beauty was a huge part of his culture, but she wasn’t sure she truly understood it. He was raised to believe it was important, though, so she wouldn’t scoff or downplay how big it was in his mind, but she wanted to. Why did it matter to them so much? Beauty was fleeting. It was the inside that counted.

  Yeah, she thought he was gorgeous beyond belief, and he definitely turned her on, but she liked the man she was getting to know. He was caring and considerate. The way he brought her supplies, then came to check on her and offered her a ride and a place to stay, spoke volumes about who he was.

  One scar paled in comparison next to all that.

  You say he was raised to believe something, but that he should discard it. Yet you were raised to believe something, as well, and you’re still trying to defend it. That’s a little hypocritical.

  Ashley frowned. Shit, her fox was right. But hers wasn’t damaging like his had been, right? He’d been raised to believe some crazy stuff. Had those lessons literally beaten into him. Sure, her dad smacked her a few times, but it wasn’t the same.

  You’re in denial, is what you are. It’s definitely the same, and how was it not damaging?

  She didn’t even know how to respond to that, and then she heard the back door open and shut. Relief filled her at avoiding the question, and her fox snorted.

  Coward.

  She wanted to push her animal down deep again, but she refrained, instead gearing up to block herself from hearing her fox. Not suppressing her, but blocking the thoughts that came from her. Because she had a feeling she was right, but she wasn’t ready to examine what those thoughts meant for her.

  Turning away from the window, she made her way to the back of the house. Vynn was just entering the kitchen when she got there. His jacket and boots were already off, but his cheeks were ruddy from the cold, and his brow was furrowed like he was deep in thought.

  “You look cold. Do you want me to make you some hot chocolate after I put my clothes in the dryer? I saw a box of the mix in the cupboards.”

  He glanced up, his eyes surprised like he hadn’t realized she was in the kitchen with him. “Oh, hey, Ashley. Yeah, that’d be great.”

  She quickly transferred her clothes into the dryer and went back into the kitchen. She got two mugs down from a cabinet, casting him sidelong glances as she did. He looked preoccupied as he got a bag of marshmallows out of the cabinet, his brow furrowed thoughtfully. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just have a lot on my mind. Sorry I was gone so long. I didn’t mean to leave you here by yourself for that long.”

  “What, scared I’d make
off with the silver?”

  “What? No, I wasn’t—you’re teasing.”

  She smiled as she poured hot water over the mix in the mugs. “Yeah, and you should have seen your face.”

  Lips quirking, he accepted the mug from her and gestured her to the living room. “What have you done today, besides laundry? I should have showed you where the TV is before I left, at least, since it’s tucked away in the cabinet. I’m a terrible host, but I’m not used to having anyone around.”

  “I don’t watch TV anyway, so no big deal. I took another shower and then washed my clothes. I enjoyed it.”

  He shot her a puzzled look. “Getting another shower?”

  “No. Well, that too, I guess. I love having hot water. I meant washing my clothes.”

  “You consider that fun?”

  His brow was still furrowed, and she smiled as she rubbed her finger between his eyes, smoothing the slight frown away. A jolt shot through her and her fox sat up, alert in her chest, as he sucked in a breath. His brown eyes lightened as they filled with heat, and he tore his gaze from her, looking down at his mug.

  Clearing her throat, she tried to control her body’s reaction. She still felt like she was tingling, for crying out loud, and all she did was touch him with her finger. What would it feel like if she touched him with more?

  Shit, that was doing the exact opposite of cooling herself down. She needed to go through with her thoughts on getting physically close to him while she was here. Based on that touch, it would be explosive.

  Vynn took a drink of his hot chocolate, uncaring that it burnt his tongue. At least it was a distraction. When Ashley touched him, it took everything he had to stop himself from pulling her into his lap and taking her mouth with his.

  He wanted that more than anything, but it was still too soon. He’d been right last night. Waiting was going to kill him.