Kian (War Cats Book 5) Read online

  His chocolate eyes blanked out for a moment, his mouth opening and closing before he shrugged. “It wasn’t important. I’ll, ah, just catch up with you later.”

  Before she could say anything else, he backed out of the room and swiftly shut the door. Mate, her tiger whispered mournfully.

  I know, she whispered back, the longing she felt for him a pain in her heart that she’d come to intimately know the song of.

  Shaking it off, she pulled her attention back to the moment and looked at Kelly. “Well, that was weird.”

  Kelly’s eyes darted between Jessica and the door Kian had just closed, her brow furrowed with concentration. Jessica had just started to get a chill of foreboding creeping down her spine when Kelly suddenly whipped her head toward Jessica, blue eyes wide.

  “Oh. My. God. Kian’s your mate, isn’t he? He is. I can tell by your expression. Jess, why the hell do you want to leave here when your mate is the freakin’ alpha of the War Cats?”

  Kian blew out a breath as he leaned back against Jessica’s door. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to go to her rooms to begin with, but he knew one thing. Not having a plan had just made him look like an idiot.

  He was sure he would have thought of some excuse, but when he looked over and saw Kelly there, his mind completely blanked out. There had been nothing he could say, because he knew Kelly, and had used her talents before when he needed to. She was perceptive as hell and could read between lines like no one he’d ever met before. No matter what he said, she’d see right through him. So he just made up some bullshit and fled like a coward.

  Fuck, he thought viciously, the curse directed solely at himself. He had no business being at Jessica’s room to begin with. Looking like a fool served him right. He’d sworn he’d leave her alone until the tribe was a safe place to be. Until beginning a relationship with him, being his mate, wouldn’t put her in danger any longer. But he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since he ran into her yesterday morning, and in a moment of weakness, he’d sought her out.

  As disappointing as seeing Kelly there was, it was really a good thing. He didn’t need either him or Jessica getting attached. Well, he already was attached to her, but he didn’t need to spend time with her and give her tiger more chances to realize they were mates. He wasn’t sure why she didn’t know yet. They’d known each other for sixteen years. And his tiger told him about eight years ago, when she was eighteen.

  That was when he began traveling more. Putting as much distance as he could get between them. There were so many things to get in order—a whole fucking tribe to make right—before he could be what she needed. Dammit, what he wouldn’t give to be selfish. To take what he wanted without thoughts of repercussions. But he couldn’t. This was his lot in life. Forever caught between what he wanted as a man and what he needed to do as a leader.

  Our mate is more important to us than anything, his tiger said scornfully. You know that. The tribe means nothing without her.

  I do know that. But I have a responsibility to this tribe as well, and don’t try to pretend like you don’t feel it, too. I’ll call you a damned liar if you try. And because of that responsibility, I can’t just snatch her and leave here, no matter how much I want to. I have to stay. So to claim her, I have to make it safe for her first.

  His cat didn’t respond, as Kian knew he wouldn’t. Not only had they had this argument enough times for him to know how it went, but there was nothing his animal could say to refute that. They both knew it was the truth.

  He was just about to push away from the door when a whisper from Kelly reached his sensitive shifter ears. He would normally never eavesdrop, but the shocked quality of her words made him pause at first—and then it was the words themselves that had him freezing in shock.

  “Oh. My. God. Kian’s your mate, isn’t he? He is. I can tell by your expression. Jess, why the hell do you want to leave here when your mate is the freakin’ alpha of the War Cats?”

  Surely, he hadn’t heard that right. No way. Jessica replied in a murmur too low for even his ears to pick up and Kelly responded in kind. In a daze, he moved away from the door, wandering aimlessly, unaware of where he was going, his mind lost to replaying Kelly’s words.

  Jessica knew they were mates? How fucking long has she known? She’d never, not once, let on that she knew. Of course, he honestly hadn’t spent a whole lot of time with her. Not since they grew up, anyway. They played together as children, but the older they got, the shyer and more reserved she became. To the point where now, she could barely even look him in the eyes.

  Still. How had there not been a clue? And why hadn’t she told him? Surely, he wasn’t that intimidating. She had to know he wouldn’t react unkindly, even if he hadn’t already known. So why not tell him?

  Most women he knew, especially in the tribe, would jump at the chance to become his queen. Just like Kelly said. Jessica’s mate was the alpha of the legendary War Cats tribe, and she said nothing? He shook his head as he pondered that. She’d always been different. Always marched to her own drummer. He could see that even through her unusual submissiveness. But this was on a whole new level. He usually loved how different she was from other women, but in this instance, he didn’t think he was a fan.

  Skidding to a stop, his blood ran cold as the rest of Kelly’s words played in his head. Jessica wanted to leave? Why the hell would she want to? Yeah, the tribe had been hell on Earth for generations, but hadn’t Kian been working to change that? Not only working to change it, but actually making strides. It was better than it’d been since it was founded.

  Not only that, but her mate was there. Even if it wasn’t as good as it was, how could she possibly want to leave? The thought made him purse his lips thoughtfully and he relaxed a fraction. They were mates. She knew it, her tiger knew it. There was no way her animal would let her leave.

  His cat eased his frantic pacing as he took that in, the relief he felt strong enough that it almost knocked Kian over. That’s right. We can’t deny our mates. Even if she wants to, she won’t be able to leave.

  Kian frowned, uneasiness in his gut. He didn’t like how that thought from his tiger was phrased. He didn’t want to keep her prisoner in Durga. That was the last thing he wanted, and smacked of something his father would do. Kian’s wants absolutely held no precedence over her own. The exact opposite of that, actually. What she wanted mattered the most. Even if it meant that she left him.

  His soul felt crippled at the thought, but he took heart from the fact that his tiger was partially right. If she really wanted to leave, he wouldn’t hold her back. He’d let her fly to follow her dreams and desires. But her tiger wouldn’t let her leave easily, and that bought him time. Time to spend time with her, to win her over, to make her want to stay.

  Was that what he wanted to do? Make her stay? In the long run, of course it was. But right at that moment… how could he ask that of her? Staying meant putting her life at risk. By virtue of being his mate, there’d always be an element of danger surrounding her. But the threat was all too real right now.

  What were his options, though? Letting her walk away and possibly disappear? Hope he could find her later and make her somehow understand why he let her leave? There was no way he could lie to her and pretend like he’d just realized their lives were fated to intertwine. He’d have to go all in and lay it all on the line.

  His reasons why he’d decided to wait were sound. They made sense, to him at least, and he was sure they would to every man in the tribe. But if there was one thing he’d learned by watching his friends pair up, one by one, it was that women didn’t think like men did.

  At all.

  Sometimes he wondered if they were even the same species. Because they sure didn’t seem like it half the time.

  There was a very good possibility that she’d still be upset. Be offended. Be mad, even unforgivably, with him. She might accuse him of making her decisions for her. Of thinking she was too weak to handle the grittier as
pects of his life. Really, the reality of his life.

  She might wonder that if he could keep something as big as being mates from her and let her walk away, what else was he capable of hiding and allowing? And that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted nothing but complete honesty and trust between them. Starting their future and life together on that note basically guaranteed that wouldn’t be the case.

  There was also the safety issue to consider. Yeah, she was in danger there, but at least he could protect her. He had thirty warriors trained to defend her. He had a whole tribe—well, the majority of them—ready to stand up and defend him and his mate, should the need arise. If she left, on her own, no one to guard her back, would the enemy snatch her anyway?

  He’d already established that for whatever reason, Jessica was a target. It didn’t make sense to him, but she was. Unless someone already knew that they were mates, but how could they know that? He hadn’t told a soul, and he didn’t think she had, either. Kelly was her closest friend, and she hadn’t known.

  Regardless of why she was a target, this Drako person was out to get her. She was undeniably safer there in Durga, with the War Cats at her back, protecting her. But was she safer there if them being mates became common knowledge? Because there was no doubt in his mind that once he started pursuing her, even if it was in private, word would get out. He wouldn’t be able to hide his feelings.

  Because look how strong they were already, and they hadn’t even scratched the surface of what they were to each other.

  Fuck.

  He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do. But one thing was true. He needed to figure it the hell out, and soon. There was no time to waste.

  Chapter Three

  Jessica pulled her mittens and coat on, anxious to get out of the house. It was snowing lightly, the pretty flakes falling gracefully from the sky and landing on the foot of snow already accumulated on the ground. It was beautiful, but not exactly strolling weather.

  It didn’t matter, though. The palace was a huge, sprawling structure, but it still felt like the walls were closing in on her. She needed to get outside for a bit, take in some fresh air, hopefully lessen the sensation some.

  “Jessica? You’re not planning on going outside alone, are you?”

  She closed her eyes at Kian’s voice behind her. Busted, and before she ever left the house. Her mind raced with what excuse she could give him about why she hadn’t asked one of the warriors for an escort, but by the time she turned to face her alpha, she was still drawing a blank.

  Mid-turn, her eyes fell on him walking toward her, a concerned frown on his handsome face, and her breath caught. Her tiger whimpered in her chest, and she understood, even though there were no words with noise. Her animal didn’t speak much, and never in the presence of more dominant animals—which basically meant never around other shifters, because everyone was more dominant than Jessica—and she usually hid around Kian. He possessed much more dominance than most shifters. Already, Jess could feel her fading into her body.

  But still, she understood. That was their mate right there. He was unbelievably handsome, and there were few who could argue that and still look sane. But his best attribute was his kindness. She fancied she could see it radiating from his pores right now. The only time she ever saw it missing was when one of his tribe members was being threatened. It disappeared then, and he turned into a hard, cold man, bent on ending the threat.

  That was just as sexy as his appearance, though. His ability to be the epitome of kindness, yet lose it in the blink of an eye when someone needed his protection, was even more beautiful than his appearance to her. She truly was extremely lucky that he was her mate.

  Too bad she couldn’t claim him.

  “Jess?” he asked, thankfully pulling her out of her suddenly depressing thoughts. “You know you can’t go outside without a guard. I wish you had free run like usual, but it’s just too dangerous right now.”

  She forced a smile, flicking her eyes up to meet his, locking gazes with him and becoming lost in his dark brown depths. A flicker of surprise wound through her when she was able to maintain eye contact, but the longer she did, the more her tattoo itched. She finally dropped her gaze, trying to subtly roll her shoulders in an attempt to lessen the sensation.

  “I know. I’m sorry, Alpha. I just needed to get some fresh air.”

  Please, don’t pursue this line of questioning. And don’t look down and notice them, she pleaded in her mind.

  “You know you don’t have to call me Alpha. There’s no need for us to be formal with each other, not when we’ve known each other forever and played together as children. But I know you understand the seriousness of the threat to you. I’m not sure why you’d disregard it now.”

  She softly blew out a breath, tamping down the foreign urge to roll her eyes. He wasn’t going to leave this line of questioning alone, but she didn’t want to tell him. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was no big deal, not to most, anyway. But it was to her, and since he hadn’t noticed it on his own yet, she was hesitant to point it out.

  Her gaze flicked up just in time to see his lower, and when his eyebrows shot up, she knew he’d finally noticed. Gah, why was this so embarrassing for her? It shouldn’t be, not when most women wore them. Yet, she could feel her cheeks heating with a blush, and she knew it would be noticeable even beneath her light caramel-colored skin.

  He stared at her legs for what felt like an eternity before pulling his eyes up to meet hers. She dropped her gaze for a split second before squaring her shoulders and locking eyes with him again. So she was wearing jeans. So what? Big deal, right? Most women in today’s world wore them. The women in Durga had just been given the go ahead to wear what they wanted last year, when Kian changed the rules. It had taken them a long time to stop wearing saris and wear what they wanted, but most of them were wearing them now. Jessica doing so really was no big deal.

  Except she felt exposed in them. In the skirts she’d been wearing before, she felt like she could hide a bit. But the jeans were snug on her curvy frame, and even though they were just legs, it left her with the odd feeling that much more than that was on display.

  Her shyness and insecurities were beginning to cripple her, until she met Kian’s eyes. Breath catching, she searched his eyes, one hand fluttering up to land over her racing heart. There was shock in the dark chocolate depths, but there was also something darker, something earthier, something—oh, Lord, it was heat. He enjoyed the way she looked in jeans, going by the way his look was scorching her to the soul. She swallowed hard, searching for words, but came up blank. She couldn’t even tear her gaze away from his. For years, she couldn’t even meet his eyes, and now she couldn’t look away.

  It was Kian who looked away first, clearing his throat before turning his gaze back to her. “Is this why you didn’t seek anyone out? You didn’t want anyone to see you wearing jeans.”

  The heat in her cheeks flared hotter as she shrugged. “I know it probably sounds stupid to you. It probably is stupid. I wanted to go for a walk, and I thought the jeans would be warmer than a skirt, and allow me more freedom of movement in the snow. But after I put them on, I felt weird. Like more than just my legs were on display. I thought I could just walk outside around the perimeter of the house, staying within shouting distance, and still be okay. Hopefully, without anyone else seeing me.”

  “I won’t tell you how crazy that is. I think you already know. Hold on just a second, and I’ll walk with you. I’ve already seen you in the jeans, after all.”

  Kian’s voice was wry, one side of his mouth kicked up, and her breath caught again at how gorgeous he was. It really wasn’t fair for a man to look that good. How was any woman supposed to keep her wits around him?

  Before it occurred to her to protest his company, he had his boots and coat on and was opening the door, gesturing for her to go first. Taking a bracing breath, she held it as she passed him, letting it back out once she was outside, watching as her b
reath frosted the air. She inhaled deeply again, feeling the cold air burn her lungs, and a piece of her soul relaxed. Yes, this was what she needed. To get out of the house and into nature. To get away from the suffocating walls closing in on her and out into the open.

  Kian touched her elbow and she jumped, having nearly forgotten he was there. “After you. Just ignore me if you’d rather. Pretend like I’m not here.”

  She snorted as she shook her head. Like anyone could ignore him. She didn’t think it was physically possible. “I don’t need to be alone. That’s not why I didn’t find someone to go with me. I don’t mind company.”

  He nodded and they followed the path someone had shoveled around the house. Her hands were cold even through her mittens, so she shoved them in the pockets of her coat as they walked silently, the only sound coming from the leftover snow on the path crunching under their feet.

  “Is this the first time you’ve ever worn jeans? I’ve never seen you in them, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t worn them in the privacy of your rooms, or something.”

  Resisting the urge to squirm, she nodded. “Yeah, it’s the first time. I just wanted something warmer and easier to walk in the snow in.”

  “How do you like them?”

  Willing herself not to blush, she chewed on her bottom lip before releasing it with a soft exhale. “I feel a little exposed. Not necessarily my legs, but just… vulnerable, I guess. I’m not sure I like it. But I can’t deny that they’re warmer and more comfortable than my skirts.”

  “And was there a reason you needed to get out of the house today?”

  She laughed softly, relaxing more as they walked. A few days ago, she couldn’t imagine being able to talk to him like this, and yet there she was, holding her own. Pride welled up, warming her inside. Maybe it was a weird thing to feel pride in, and no big deal to most people, but to her, it was everything.

  “What is this, twenty questions? Am I not allowed to desire a walk outside in the snow?”