Kian (War Cats Book 5) Page 2

  In regards to that, he was failing epically, because all he could think about was Jessica and the threat she was under. That, and only that, was why he wanted to solve this. Why he wanted to find Drako and make him suffer slowly before he ended his life. And Kian would take pleasure in every single moment of it.

  Blowing out a breath, he reached the study and nodded to Luke and Noah. They were lion shifters who were part of the Blood and Bone Enforcers MC. The Enforcers were basically shifter law, and those who made up their ranks were renowned for having powerful gifts. They were good fighters, but their strengths came in the form of their gifts.

  Every shifter had a gift, something they were good at. Sometimes gifts were physical, sometimes they were mental. Some were more regular, just enhancing things everyone was born with. Like one shifter he knew whose gift was enhanced speed. And sometimes, the gifts were something completely extra and rare—like another one he knew who had visions of the future. They didn’t pick what they had, it was just something they were born with.

  He’d always thought his gift—compulsion and likability—was powerful. He could make anyone do anything he wanted. Not only that, but still like him while they did it, even if they knew what he was up to. He’d never wanted to use either of them, though. Doing so would undoubtedly make it easy to accomplish what he’d set out to do with the War Cats tribe, but it would also make him the one thing he’d sworn never to be—his father. And so he was determined to never use his gifts.

  Luke said once that they could use his skills as an Enforcer, but Kian knew what some of their gifts were, and his was downright tame compared to those. Some of them gave him, a warrior to his core, a shiver up his spine. He’d never want to be on the wrong side of them.

  His gaze switched to the other two occupants of the room, Zane and Vynn. They were talking quietly and easily, and it was a sight that still had the power to surprise him. They’d been friends once upon a time, but when their view points splintered, so did their friendship. He knew both of them well—knew how stubborn they could be. He knew they were still a bit more alike than either of them wanted to admit, especially Zane. But he’d still been surprised when they renewed their friendship.

  Satisfaction filled him, though. If even those two could set aside their differences and begin again, so could the rest of the tribe. They were resisting the changes, and although there were a few exceptions to the rule, they weren’t stupid. They’d eventually realize the way of life they had before had been archaic, cold, barely worth living unless they were one of the select few at the top. Now they had a chance at happiness, or at the very least, contentment.

  If Zane and Vynn could get along, the tribe could, as well. That, he had no doubt of. It was the waiting that was wearing on his nerves. The waiting on the day when he didn’t wake up with a knot of dread in his chest. The waiting on the day they’d wise up and act like the smart warriors they were.

  The waiting on claiming his mate.

  Clearing his throat, determined to get his mind off the waiting, he glanced over at the Enforcers. “Have you guys figured out who this Drako is?”

  Noah’s mouth flattened grimly as he shook his head. “All we have are some vague whisperings. Nothing concrete, and nothing to give us any clue who this bastard is.”

  “Fuck,” he swore quietly, turning to look out of the window at the snow-covered landscape.

  There was still a part of him that was surprised at his casual use of curse words, and he contemplated it absently as he stared outside. His father had been rigid and strict in Kian’s upbringing. He was taught to speak formally, and it was hell if he used words or phrases that his father considered too common for his rank.

  He spoke like someone from a different time and place, but it was how he was raised. So beyond resenting his father for needing to control every aspect of his life even down to his speech, he rarely thought of it. Then he left Durga to travel as soon as he could and eventually ended up with the Rocky River fighters. It was there that he learned to truly be himself, down to how he spoke.

  Now he talked normally, including peppering his words with curses whenever he felt like it. It was becoming natural to him, although sometimes it still took him by surprise.

  Like now. Although, he suspected thinking about cursing had more to do with him avoiding the fact that he didn’t know what their next move was than actually thinking about how relaxed and normal his life had become. As normal as it could be for War Cat royalty and the current Alpha, anyway.

  He watched through the reflection of the glass as Luke come up behind him. “We’ll figure this out, Kian. Don’t worry about that. Your tribe will stay safe.”

  “I know. I’m not necessarily worried about that.”

  And he really wasn’t. His tribe members weren’t strangers to conflict. And his warriors were some of the best trained on the planet. They could handle themselves against whatever came their way.

  What bothered him was the fact that being no closer to a resolution meant being no closer to claiming Jessica. And for the two millionth time in his twenty-nine years, he longed to be just an average War Cat. Hell, not even a War Cat. Not even an average shifter. He longed to be just an average man, able to court the woman he wanted.

  He snorted to himself. Court. Apparently, he couldn’t eradicate all the old-fashioned words from his vocabulary.

  “Okay, so it’s not that, then. What is it? Something’s clearly bothering you.”

  Turning, he met Zane’s curious green eyes. His cousin knew him better than anyone, and he knew something was up. He needed to be more careful, because hell, even Luke had sensed something was troubling him. And the last thing he needed were more questions.

  Shifters could hear lies, so he needed to be very careful about what he said. The last thing he wanted was for them to realize he was hiding something, because then they’d be relentless when it came to figuring out what it was. He never lied like so many of his tribe did to throw people off, so he couldn’t do that. And he didn’t want any more questions, because finding his mate in Jessica wasn’t something he was ready to talk about yet.

  “So what are we going to do to find out who Drako is?” he asked, opting to avoid the question altogether.

  He only met Zane’s piercing stare for a moment before he looked away, but it was clear in just that glimpse that his cousin was wondering what was going on, and that was something Kian didn’t want. Zane was a crazy bastard, and he wouldn’t respect Kian’s decision about waiting to claim Jessica. Yet another reason to keep this hidden from everyone.

  This shit was becoming more complicated than he’d thought it would already.

  Chapter Two

  “All right, what’s wrong, Jess?”

  Jessica glanced over at Kelly’s question, shaking her head before returning her gaze to the window. She was watching as Kian talked to the warriors tasked with guarding the palace that day, her mind whirling in circles.

  Ever since she’d made the decision to leave the tribe once it was safe, her mind and her heart had been at war. Her mind knew it was the sensible thing to do, even though she was terrified to go out into the world for the first time on her own. But her heart was vehemently opposed, as was her tiger. They couldn’t imagine leaving Kian behind. But they just didn’t understand how wrong for him she was. Her mind did, and she knew leaving was the only way she could avoid heartbreak.

  Like our heart won’t be broken if we leave our mate, her tiger pointed out mournfully.

  We’re not what he needs, she replied firmly. It was the unvarnished truth, but it made her sad that things couldn’t be different. That she couldn’t be different.

  “What’s it like outside of Durga Valley?” she asked her friend absently as she tried to distract herself.

  Utter silence rang behind her, and then she heard Kelly push out of the chair she was in. “Okay, what the hell is going on, Jess?”

  Wincing, she turned to face her friend, shrugging as her mind race
d with ways around her question. She was forever grateful that she had a friend like Kelly, and she’d always rejoice in the fact that Zane recognized his mate in her and brought her home to Durga Valley. But she sometimes forgot how perceptive she was.

  Kelly had an aura of cluelessness about her. Not because she was genuinely stupid, but because she had a tendency to blurt out whatever was on her mind. It made people underestimate her, but Kelly had a razor-sharp mind, and she was more perceptive than anyone Jessica knew. She’d been that way even as a human, before she had a tigress in her middle. But the way she was so unassuming made even Jess, her closest friend in Durga, forget how much she saw.

  Forcing a smile, she shrugged and tried to look innocent. “I’m just curious about life outside of these walls. Isn’t that allowed?”

  Kelly’s eyes narrowed as she studied her. “Sure it is.”

  Her shoulders relaxed as she found a small smile. “Well, that’s—”

  “The problem is,” Kelly continued, speaking over her, “that in the year that I’ve known you, you’ve never asked me about my life before coming here. Not really. Oh, I know you’ve wanted to. I’ve seen the curiosity burning in your eyes before, but for whatever reason, you never have. That begs the question, why now?”

  Jessica briefly shut her eyes, cursing inside her head. She should have known she wouldn’t get away with that answer, but for a moment, she’d hoped she would. That having an infant to take care of, that getting less sleep than usual, had dulled Kelly’s senses. Apparently that’d been a false hope, though.

  “The curiosity boiled over?” she replied, cursing again when it came out more like a question than a statement.

  Kelly pursed her lips, eyes trained on her and narrowing further. “Try again. The truth this time, please.”

  She blew out a breath, glancing back out the window to find Kian gone from her view, before turning to her friend with regret. She wanted to tell her. She really did. But she hadn’t told anyone that Kian was her mate. And though she knew she could trust Kelly, that her word vomit never included secrets, she still couldn’t take the chance. She didn’t want it getting back to Kian.

  “The truth is that I’d rather not say. You’re right, there’s a reason I want to know now. But I’m not ready to talk about it.”

  Kelly’s eyes lost their intent expression as she looked at her with concern. “I respect that you don’t want to say anything right now. But I hope you do before you leave. That’s the only reason I can think of that you’d want to know—that you’re planning on leaving. And I’m really not sure you should.”

  “Why, because you don’t think I can make it on my own beyond this village?” she asked, trying to tamp down on the bitterness welling up inside her.

  It was beginning to wear on her more and more that everyone thought she was helpless, but she wasn’t sure why. Everyone had that perception of her; they always had, and probably always would. Why it was suddenly beginning to bother her, she couldn’t figure out.

  The tattoo between her shoulder blades began itching fiercely and it took everything inside her to resist scratching it on the doorframe. It was like the more irate she became, the more it itched, the tail feeling like it twitched. Ironically, it was that sensation that calmed her down. Mostly because it freaked her out enough that she forgot her anger, but she’d take it, no matter the reason.

  “Jessica,” Kelly said firmly, not continuing until she met her kind blue eyes. “I don’t think that at all. I think you can do anything you set your mind to. It would be a challenge, because you’re not used to life beyond these walls, but you could do it. I said that because if you are planning on leaving, I don’t think it’s something you should just jump into headfirst. And because leaving the protection of the village and warriors right now, when someone’s after you, wouldn’t be smart. And also because… well, entirely selfish reasons. You’re one of my best friends. I don’t want to lose you.”

  A lump welled up in her throat, making her breath catch, and she looked back out of the window again, staring at the scenery but not really seeing it. She’d lived there since she was ten, but it wasn’t until a year ago when Kelly showed up, crazy in the best ways and unapologetically herself, that she felt like she found a true friend. Fifteen years there without a friend. It was a little sad, but it made finding Kelly that much sweeter.

  After Kelly got her to open up a little, she made friends with Arya, another tribe member she’d known of her whole life but hadn’t really, truly known. And then along came Cady and Ashley, and suddenly she had a group of friends. Friends she never would have had if Kelly hadn’t pulled her, inch by slow inch, out of her shell and gotten her to open up a bit.

  And now, if she left there like she knew she’d have to, she’d have to not only leave Kian behind, but also her friends. People she’d longed to find her whole life. Each one was her soul mate in their own unique way, Kian and Kelly especially, and now… now she’d be forced to give them up.

  Life wasn’t fucking fair.

  Eyebrows shooting up, she stared at her startled reflection. She never cursed out loud and not much in her head, and never that word. But it had just come out so naturally. She guessed maybe when the occasion called for it, she could curse like a warrior just as well as anyone could.

  The tail of her tattoo flicked again, but it had an odd sense of satisfaction to it. Jeez, she really was losing her mind. Maybe there was more reason to leave than she’d initially thought. Pushing those thoughts from her mind, she turned to Kelly, taking in the concern and sadness in her eyes.

  She couldn’t tell her the real reasons she wanted to leave, but she couldn’t leave her in complete darkness, either. Kelly would probably be hurt the worst of all the people she knew if she just took off without saying a word. A compromise was in order, then.

  “I promise I won’t do something rash and take off. And if I do leave, it won’t be any time soon. But I am curious about what life’s like beyond Durga Valley. You’re right, I’ve wondered a lot about what it’s like out there. I’ve just tried to respect your privacy and not bombard you with questions.”

  Holding her breath, Jessica watched Kelly’s eyes as she digested her words. She really needed her to just take what she said to heart and not ask her more questions. With Kelly, that was sometimes asking a lot. She had an insatiable curiosity and she didn’t really know how to censor herself when it came to quenching that thirst. It was one of the things Jessica loved about her. She just didn’t want her to turn it on her right then.

  Nodding, Kelly turned and bent over the pack and play set up in the living room of Jessica’s suite. She made a few cooing noises, fussing over her and Zane’s cub, Zander, before smoothing the blanket over him and turning back to Jessica.

  “Freedom. I think that best sums it up. There are big strides being made here in Durga, but it still can’t come close to matching what’s out there.” Pausing, Kelly tapped a finger to her mouth contemplatively before looking back at Jessica. “I used to prefer it out there. Especially when I first got here and the rules were still old and outdated. But now… now that things are changing, now that women are treated more like people and less like mindless possessions… I think I prefer it here now. This place has potential. Kian saw it, and he’s been working tirelessly to give us that vision, and I think it’s finally starting to pay off. Yeah, I think it’s better to be here than out there. For all its freedom, the outside world is still a harsh and cold place, Jess. If… when… you leave here, please remember that. Stay alert. Don’t become another victim of a society that doesn’t care about its own.”

  Jessica searched her eyes, the conviction in Kelly’s voice washing over her. Shaken, she looked away, her eyes falling on Zander. Growing up in Durga definitely had its drawbacks, Kelly was right about that. The women had no rights, everyone was ranked, there was the label of Other to deal with—the label given to those who were different, who had some sort of physical mark or deformity. Tigers pri
zed beauty above all else, and they treated those who didn’t possess it cruelly.

  But for all the cons, of which were many, they were at least protected. They lived in a cocoon there. The outside world and its people were kept far away. Jessica would mourn losing that, but she wasn’t stupid. Ignorance wasn’t bliss, not in that case. If the trade-off for improving the life of her tribe members meant her leaving, she’d take the loss of her protection.

  And if the trade-off for Kian living his best life and finding a match truly suitable for him was for her to step aside and venture into the harsh, cold world Kelly spoke of, well—she’d take the loss of her protection in that case, as well.

  She’d put herself last any time it came down to her fellow tribe members, and especially Kian.

  A quick knock came on the door, and she called out that it was open, shocked when it slowly opened to reveal her mate himself standing in the doorway. Her tiger whimpered inside her as her breath caught. Kian had only come to her suite once in the last ten years, and seeing him there then was enough to shake her to her core. He’d only come the other time because someone had just attacked her, and she couldn’t imagine why he was there now—

  “Kian, what is it? Has something happened?” she asked, urgency coating her voice.

  His brow twitched as he shook his head, seeming at a loss for words. She saw the exact moment he became aware that Kelly was in the room, watching as his eyebrows rose a fraction, his body stilling.

  “Ah, no. Everything’s fine.”

  She waited, but he didn’t say anything else. Glancing at Kelly in confusion, she focused on Kian again. “Then did you come for a reason?”